From my earliest memories I have always had an understanding that this journey of mine on earth would be a mighty mission and that it was meant to be shared.
I brought myself to many experiences of my life simply to have a story ‘worth reading’. As if I was writing each page of a novel as a diligent author of my ownlife. I lived each experience in full glory. No matter how ugly, how painful, how uncomfortable I became I sat in satisfaction of the shape this novel was taking. It was turning out to be some really good reading!
Now i am being asked to write this story in the physical. How did I end up here, as this woman who is God, as this being in blissful relationship with all of her life? How did I come to peace and self love as the observer of my life and find success in my mission?
The humor in this is that when I sat down to write this story of mine which I had so carefully tended to and manufactured all my life, it all disappeared.
The memories I had stored away thinking would be juicy material, suddenly felt inappropriate. As if the only real and appropriate ‘material’ is Who i am Now, at this very moment. It is this Now which is a culmination of my past, all the pages I have written before today, and for that I embrace with gratitude every experience which I have lived. But what I realize is that it is in the disappearance of my story, the dissolution of my very Identity which has allowed me the freedom to emerge into self realization and truth.
What I am left with is a story of emergence. My journey has been glorious, unraveling itself in the valley of addiction. It was this experience of addiction where my story became a page-turner Stephen King himself could barely imagine. My lengthy list of attachments, addictions and diagnoses pulled me far away from my truth and mission. I had been successful throughout my education, tending to my resume with the same care as I tended to every other aspect of my story. Lengthy lists of leadership roles, public speaking engagements, prestigious academic achievements, internships and brilliant creative bursts left me with an inflated ego and a gaping void of direction and purpose.
In this confusion I sought comfort and excitement, color to my story. My life became a living reflection of this discord and it manifested itself by way of addiction. I lived for years in a constant state of Spiritual Emergency.
The experience of being so immersed in my attachments and the pain that the core of my soul felt, shook loose every falsity and ego driven aspect myself, and left me standing naked. It is was from this point of absolute chaos and vulnerability where I began my Emergence and realized my purpose here, the reason for this novel of mine. Trembling at this world reversal, I came to Florida, seeking anything besides the discomfort and distortion I had experienced. Everything I was so certain my identity was built upon fell away, and in this unraveling my True Self is all that remained.
This reunion of the self is the foundation of my Emergence, and the platform from which I live my life. As I continue to tend to the pages of a timeless novel, I write with a different intent. An intent of service, to fill each page with divine truth and absolute reality, rather than a portrait of a illusory physical identity. It is not the experiences within the story, but the experience OF the story which holds the greatest influence.
It is an honor to share this experience of spirit with you.