Reverse Engineering

There has recently been requests for me to post and share some of my creative and healing process.

One significant mechanism I have found to be extremely beneficial in my life as I work with the sacred plant teachers is a process I call ‘reverse engineering’.

It’s a simple process that works on 3 basic points Vision. Feeling. Mapping.

Ceremony and ritual of any kind will often produce alignment, resonance and presence.

This may culminate at certain focalized time and hence – a Vision, is had.

So many of us consciousness pioneers, healers, shamans and way showers talk of our visions.. So how do we apply them to our lives? How do we integrate these moments of revelation and understanding for advanced and accelerated transformation?

Reverse Engineering has long been a term that had been related to UFOs and technology of a higher intelligence. The term surely incites images of governments and scientists picking apart mysterious crafts so we can apply this technology for our own use. What I am proposing is a different form – but basically the same idea.

So you have your vision, Your ‘sweet spot’, aha! Your That’s It! Breakthrough.. Now hold it! Seize that feeling. Capture it, take a mental emotional spiritual snapshot – breathe into it relax into, and ask ‘how did I get there?’

Guide yourself through its undoing, and practice getting there again. It’s like a muscle, and the breath will help.

You are creating your map to be able to access this point, this feeling again. Focus on the subtleties, the energy, the feeling. Not the specifics, the physical or the logical.

I have been using this method since I began on my path of transformation over 5 years ago and have been practicing and refining it since.

Be conscious of the maps you design. Focus on those that are appropriate to where you want to go and who you want to be.

Un-Covery

On Thursdays I partake in a writer’s group, Lake Worth Ink, we are given one word prompts to write freely on, with one rule- do not pick up the pen. ‘Recovery’ was one of our 5 minute prompts yesterday. As co-founder and visionary of The Wakeup– an Alliance and hub of synergistic support for the transformation of the energy of addiction, I felt urged to share what ‘recovery’ means to me.

Recovery
You have nothing to recover from, only remember.
What is it I would want to re-cover, anyway? This is an unraveling.
If anything, it is a re-membering, because what I know is I dis-membered, I covered. I shut down.
And this transformation seems to be eased, accelerated, fortified by the nakedness that happens when that which was covered becomes unveiled, ‘dis-covered’ and that which by my own hand… I dis-membered is put back into position an arm, a leg, a mind, a heart.
Re-membering all the way to wholeness- which of course I always was, now I just get to uncover it.
And I believe in the restructuring, the resurrecting, the waiting on the thought to align, no resistence..
As I define
As I declare
You have nothing to recover, only Re-Member.

The Wakeup holds a fundamentally different belief about addictions/attachments, we have become an active force- shaping and molding how society goes about ‘treating’ addiction. Find out more! www.The-wakeup.com

Awakening to the Dream

Awakening to the dream
Any Dream
To which you Will.
Never been more grateful to be alive.
Funny, what happens when shapes collide.

Surreal?
Indeed
this lucid dream.
Potential exists
for full capacity
to expand my life
expand my heart
to encompass
this love I have found.
Keep me centered-
my feet on the ground.

“Good” Body

Not broken
To feel Beautiful on the inside and outside… This has long escaped me.

I grew up a heavy, chunky girl- desperately uncomfortable in my own skin. I believed people couldn’t and wouldn’t see me unless they saw it from the outside first, and more importantly I too looked from the outside in. Measuring ‘Emily’ by her waistline. 
Cocaine, diet pills and heavy partying brought with them an extreme lifestyle. Not eating for days and buying drugs before food had caused me to drop 50+ pounds rapidly. I was finally skinny. My ‘good’ body became a tool that made partying easier. I felt that as long as I was skinny enough I would never be alone, sober or bored. Yet misery was still my closest friend. 
Eventually addiction- the slow winding crawl to opiates, heroin and a critically unhealthy and co-dependent 5yr relationship had me relinquishing my facade for familiarity, for comfort, for the warm feeling of Nothingness opiates brought. I gained weight as I watched myself slide further and further as if adding gravity to my fall. Intravenous use mirrored my self-hate, and its potency polarized my despair. I saw only ugliness when I looked at my reflection. I saw only ugliness when I closed my eyes. 
       Two and half years ago- Transformation Happened. I learned to love myself. I learned to see myself, regardless of my pants size, my past, my stories, my labels. I learned to see straight through to the Core of my Divinity- my Essence- my Soul- God That I Am, That I Am.
My journey of transformation out of addiction, seperation and despair and into self- love has brought with it many many many gifts but tonight as a reach a landmark in my weightloss experience, I am humbled by the ability of our bodies- as sacred containers, teachers, reflections, and as indicator to our Spirit and our Heart…. 

My good body gave me Scars.
My good body gave me a life of memories, bittersweet
My good body gave me Rape
       of body 
            mind
             spirit
My good body gave me Sacrifice 
                 of body 
                        mind
                         and spirit
My good body gave me a Facade 
within which I hid
to play a story of ignorance 
       of pushing myself 
         far beyond reason 
               or belief
Ego driven force. 
Invincible Youth. 
My good body gave me Fear
      of losing it all
           of time
               of choices 
My good body gave me Judgement
My good body gave me Lust
My good body has been Raw 

This Good body Embodies 
   All that I am 
   All that I was 
    All that I will be
This Good body is the same as That Good body
And Now at One, As One- She Is Love 
I do not fear being healthy and having a ‘good’ body. This body is a reflection of my truth. My Divinity. And while a reflection and embodiement of the past, no longer a tool or item up for exchange.
I Am My Worth, not my body although including it as a temple- as a sacred vessel of creator source energy.
This body reflects my acknowledgement of this fact. Always.
And This Body is proud of what it contains.

           This Body is mine. 
This Body is Whole 
This Body is Healed 
This Body is Perfect
This Body is Hope 
This Body is Love 
This Body is God 

This Body I will Purify 
This Body I will Honor
This Body I will Respect 
This Body I will Cherish 
This Body I will Nurture 
This Body I will be Gentle to
This Body I will See 
This Body I will Love 

The Art of One

Striding planets far-
Motion of devotion.
Carries you on wings
A flight, you see
From the grandest heights.
Forgiven in gratitude of where I am
And that I breathe
The breath of life
Into flesh
Into being
Into rythm
To be danced
An endless dance
Where mind gets stuck on simplicity
Catch the wave and come with me
I hear you
Entered into worlds anew
She stands awaiting you.
Wanting you to join her on this cosmic ride.
Will yourself to join her there
Don’t waste time too precious
To even be a facet…
Meditation of time
Meditation of tone
Meditation of form
Focus shift
Create again
Not from- has been-
Here.
This is what your doing.
Come now speak to me.
I will write for you
Scribe for you
Lay down my identity
As its weight is small
Fast to purify the body
Fast to purify the mind
Sleep well and hunger less.
Protocol deepens as your still
Take on behold.
Complete your needs-
met with grace and ease.
Presented to the Livened form
being forward,
holding strong.
Empty me of death
And anger
Demanifest reminders of what was
Bring myself to art of One.

What the Water Gave Me {Pt. 3} Trust and Choice

Each water droplet holding me, beneath the belly of this boat
holds a meaning I have yet to learn…
I hear booming reminders consuming all thought.
Words I have become accustomed to
when it comes to guidance and the execution
of creation.
Just Trust Us!”
I do trust. I trust I will be protected.
I trust my mission, my purpose
as my heart is pure and fearless.
I will be met effortlessly with a solution
to each instance.
And I must understand that all has been in perfection-
every step I have plodded along this course.
That the pain, the helplessness, the chaos of my past
need not affect How and What I create in this Now.
May I be released from all fears that I am not worth true joy, true happiness
and that I firmly integrate the knowing that my actions in the past do not decrease my
level of life and thriving self in the present,
and only serve me in expansion for the Highest Good.
And I ask for comfort on this journey.
I ask that I remain open to the comfort that infinitely exists.
The Grace                           The Essence
The Protection                 The Communication
The Creativity                  The Rememberance
That Always exists.
And I invoke all beings of Highest Light this night.
To Join me.
All Earth spirits of assistance,
Pan and the devic realms of levity and transportation.
Wizards of magic, alchemists of change.
Plant kingdoms of order, semblance
perfection, knowledge and form
be with me,
wrap mighty roots around me.
Let this water quench your thirst.
I call for my work to extend far beyond…
far beyond the confines of these quarters,
far beyond the shores of this sea.
I choose to confront my fear- to show them all to do the same.
I choose to die- so I may be reborn
to show The Resurrection is Who We Are.
I choose to have a Voice,
so that nations, humanity
this planet remembers their own.
I choose to believe.
I choose to give up everything that I am
to planetary service
To the waking up of Great Gaia and all her kingdoms.
To this great mission we call The Wakeup- to build my life
as we build hers.
To let her be my platform
and myself a platform for her.
I choose to never feel alone,
as the notion is absurd.
I choose to command my I Am to be the only AM in which I exist.
I call forth all my wisdom, knowledge, Love
creation force energy to the forefront.
To activate my cells to reflect the identity of I Am.
I command all thoughts, emotions, and physical symptoms
to be of assistance to my flourishing and further expansion.

I understand that the how and why means nothing to the Knowing.
I understand that things aren’t always as they seem.
I command my sight to REALITY,
to truth, to the fibers of energy
the deciphering of physical visions,.
Waking dreams.
Tracking energy,
to sustain the hold.
And I remember that shadows mean nothing to the light.
And that we are led by lanterns- mighty and bright.
That there is no distance we cannot traverse
no sands of time too far.

What the Water Gave Me {Pt 2} Divine Action

There are ropes that tie this boat to the shore.
Much like my body
tethering spirit to the earth.
And when they fray, when they loosen
it is time to tend.
Tighten them, bind her, this vessel
once more.
But she’s sovereign here.
A place to hold her for the night.
And for her time also draws to a close
at the place which she calls home.
And for a time, she will be unbound
and a new landing found.
And I elate for her in her journey,
know the ocean will hold her.
And may there be no ropes, no anchor
as she finally nests.
Only an expanse of sea
to move freely with the tide.

And the water flowing beneath me,
gently rocking this boat
teaches fluidity
and teaches me balance of within.
My body making subtle adjustments to match her own,
and quickly I learn it is only from within that
the compass may be steadied.
The water teaches me to lift up my own vessel- my identity and essence,
in equanimity, neutrality.
So there is no wobble.
Only steady balance
And fluidity-
pure fluidity of the freedom motion that is Action.
Divine Action in form.